The Higher the Heels

img_6061Today is the first day of my third trimester and I am still rocking my heels. I have been told that it’s time to give my heels up for months, but my heels and I have a plan, we are strutting our stuff all the way to the delivery room.  Ok, maybe not the delivery room, however, I’m not ready to give my heels up yet. If my body hasn’t rejected them why should I? At seven months pregnant, my body has done a lot of growing. There are times when I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror but my feet are not swollen, my legs have not given out and my heels remain faithful. They make me feel good and that’s enough reason for me to keep wearing them.

For Christmas my sister-in-law gave me a mug that says, “The higher the heels, the closer to heaven.” I believe this quote. My heels lift my spirit. I don’t want to sound shallow, but any woman who has ever ever been pregnant can tell you, there are not too many clothing options that make you feel good. So if you find one, you hold on to it. I’ve made a pact with my body. Every inch of you can grow, just not my feet. And believe me, my body has held up to its end of the bargain because it has not let up on any other limb, down to my fingers. I can’t even wear my wedding rings anymore, and let’s not get started on my pants…ugh.

It’s ok though. I’ve pre-paid for my personal trainer and I plan on snapping back to my goal weight as soon as possible. When I do that the last thing I need is to have to invest in bigger shoes. I have already invested so much into my shoe collection it would be a total devastation to have to start all over. So please pray for me. The one thing I’ve asked God for, other than a healthy baby and natural delivery is to keep my perfect size sevens. Now, that’s not too much to ask for…is it?

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#MAMMW Final Leaked Passage

There is only one week until Me & My Man’s Wife finally hits the stands. I wish I could say I’m excited but I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to really let it sink in. There have been moments that I felt some joy over what’s happening, but I don’t think I will really get to bask in it until after the release. With that said, I hope someone out there is excited for me and is enjoying these little snippets. Today I am going to leak a little more to hopefully really peak your interest, if I haven’t done so already. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you taking this journey with me! Thank you! See you next week.

Final Leaked Passage #MAMMW

I wasn’t ten feet away from the building when I ran right into Terren. We both froze when we saw each other. I decided to keep walking to avoid confrontation. “Casey,” Terren called out behind me. I stopped, took a deep breath, and turned around to face her. “Listen, I really don’t want any problems, Terren.”

“I don’t want any problems either. I just want my husband back.”

“Oh my God!” I said throwing my arms in the air in surrender. “How many times are we going to do this song and dance?” I shouted.

“I’m tired Casey! My kids are tired! Do you have any idea what this has done to our family?”

“Terren, why do you think I have so much power over August? I’m not holding him hostage.”

“Casey, you are the woman in the relationship, you have all the power. He can only do what you allow him to do.”

“Terren, I don’t have the power. I am powerless when it comes to August. Please tell me how to stay away from him, please.”

“Just tell him to go home,” she said casually.

“If it were that simple, girl, then he would’ve been back a long time ago.” I laughed.

“No, you have to say it and mean it.”

“Say it and mean it. I got it,” I said sarcastically. “Let me go do that right now.”

“Casey, this is not a joke. My children need their father to come home, I’m begging you, because I’m desperate now, I’ve run out of ideas on how to keep him, and frankly, I’m beginning to think I’m going crazy. I’m losing it Casey, please help me, please.”

I shook my head. “Fine, Terren. I don’t know how, but I’ll take care of it.”

“Casey, I understand the hold he has on you. He has it on my too, but we have to help each other. If we both stand together on the same team, we can get him to do the right thing. Can we be a team now instead of fighting each other?”

I was completely caught off guard and all out of clever remarks so I agreed, “Sure Terren, we can be a team.”

She looked defeated. “Thank you,” she said then continued towards her car. When she got in, I noticed her kids were inside. As she drove off, her son turned around and looked out the window at me. The sadness on his face destroyed me. I knew that Terren’s plea was out of pure desperation. She didn’t want to beg me to leave her husband alone, she didn’t even want to ask me to help her, but she had to, for her children.

Right In Front of My Face

It’s been a while.  I’ve been running a hundred miles a minute.  There are so many things going on in my life right now I wouldn’t even know where to start trying to explain it all.  There is one thing in particular that I thought I should share though; I’ve found my voice.  I’m not sure if you recall but I had been going on and on about not being able to write and having a creative mental block, well, that is all over now.  I have found my voice.

Of course like most things we think we lose they are usually right in front of our faces.  I discovered that I actually never lost my voice.  I had abandoned it.  I was trying so hard to recreate myself or “transform”, was the word I was using that I actually got lost in that.  Obviously, personal growth is important however some things are not meant to be changed.  God gave me my voice, and although the contents of my work will mature with me, my style is already perfect because it is not of me; it was a gift from God.

How did I make this discovery? About a week ago, I did a performance at my church and afterwards one of the members came up to me and said, “you are a poet and you don’t even know it.” At that moment it was like a light bulb went off.  My poetry is told in stories.  I have always had a very poetic way of writing my stories.  My best poetry always pretty much wrote itself while I was getting something off my chest. It was when I started trying to write poetry that I found myself lost in trying to make words rhyme. That was my biggest mistake.

Now that I’ve rediscovered my voice opportunities are coming out of nowhere. Even better than that I am writing again! And let me tell you when I’m writing life is so much better!

XOXO

I’m back!

S. Renee

Breakthrough is Inevitable

I’ve been avoiding writing, mainly because I can’t find my voice.  It feels like it has been put on mute or pause.  I have a lot of weight on my shoulders right now.  I am finding solace in the knowledge that God will not put more on me than I can handle.  Since I know I am really close to that point then I know a “breakthrough is inevitable”.

Breakthrough is inevitable, that was the message at church on Sunday – talk about conformation.  I was feeling it and God confirmed it.  So for now I will remain silent, I know I will find my voice again once that break comes through.