I was told by one of my friends that I don’t communicate well. I started thinking about this because when someone gives me constructive criticism I feel the need to asses it. In my assessment I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not that I don’t communicate well, it’s that I don’t communicate well verbally.
I come from a family of very aggressive personalities. I believe that I’ve inherited that trait. As I’ve gotten older, I have taught myself to shut down completely when I feel that aggression coming on so that I don’t say something that I will regret later. Shutting down is my mechanism used to deflect the aggression and is now something that I do not only when I feel the aggression but also when I feel stressed, overwhelmed, confused, upset, lost or any other emotion that renders me incapable of thinking straight. I didn’t like the me that I was when I would lash out because I couldn’t express myself verbally. Now it seems like my friends don’t like the me that shuts down. I need a happy medium.
My writing has been my outlet. I find when I am emotionally charged I do my best writing. Maybe I should start emailing people when I can’t express myself. I refuse text messaging it’s so immature when trying to express emotion if you ask me. At the end of the day I just want to be understood. One thing I can say about my communication skills is that I’m a great listener – that has to count for something.