Communication

I was told by one of my friends that I don’t communicate well. I started thinking about this because when someone gives me constructive criticism I feel the need to asses it. In my assessment I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not that I don’t communicate well, it’s that I don’t communicate well verbally.

I come from a family of very aggressive personalities. I believe that I’ve inherited that trait.  As I’ve gotten older, I have taught myself to shut down completely when I feel that aggression coming on so that I don’t say something that I will regret later.  Shutting down is my mechanism used to deflect the aggression and is now something that I do not only when I feel the aggression but also when I feel stressed, overwhelmed, confused, upset, lost or any other emotion that renders me incapable of thinking straight.   I didn’t like the me that I was when I would lash out because I couldn’t express myself verbally.  Now it seems like my friends don’t like the me that shuts down. I need a happy medium.

My writing has been my outlet. I find when I am emotionally charged I do my best writing.  Maybe I should start emailing people when I can’t express myself. I refuse text messaging it’s so immature when trying to express emotion if you ask me.  At the end of the day I just want to be understood.  One thing I can say about my communication skills is that I’m a great listener – that has to count for something.