I looked in the mirror and I couldn’t even recognize myself. There was not even a vague resemblance of who I was. It hurt, looking at myself hurt, because it wasn’t me. I had been washed away. All my dreams and ambitions swept under a door mat called corporate. Consumed by steady paychecks. I woke up in a sea of money that I had contributed to making but could not have a piece of. I could look but I couldn’t touch. I have been told faith without works is dead. That’s where I found myself swimming in the dead sea. DEAD!
I had drowned but not a usual drowning. A cruel and unusual punishment. Someone had tied a weight around my foot and purposely drowned me. I had an out of body experience, I stood on the shore watching myself fall to the bottom. Then someone came behind me and said…”Hey, I know you.” I was excited that someone recognized the person I thought had lost. I said “Hi”. They replied, “you’re the girl who use to do those plays.” I froze!
That’s what I had become?!!? The girl who use to do those plays. If I am a has been then what am I going to be? I just stood there watching the girl who use to do those plays sink to the bottom of the ocean then I became frantic. I started yelling, “somebody save her!!” I turned looking for the person who recognized me but they were gone. No one was there. Just me and the sinking me. And I decided to let her die.
Actor/Author/Mom/Wife 