The Higher the Heels

img_6061Today is the first day of my third trimester and I am still rocking my heels. I have been told that it’s time to give my heels up for months, but my heels and I have a plan, we are strutting our stuff all the way to the delivery room.  Ok, maybe not the delivery room, however, I’m not ready to give my heels up yet. If my body hasn’t rejected them why should I? At seven months pregnant, my body has done a lot of growing. There are times when I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror but my feet are not swollen, my legs have not given out and my heels remain faithful. They make me feel good and that’s enough reason for me to keep wearing them.

For Christmas my sister-in-law gave me a mug that says, “The higher the heels, the closer to heaven.” I believe this quote. My heels lift my spirit. I don’t want to sound shallow, but any woman who has ever ever been pregnant can tell you, there are not too many clothing options that make you feel good. So if you find one, you hold on to it. I’ve made a pact with my body. Every inch of you can grow, just not my feet. And believe me, my body has held up to its end of the bargain because it has not let up on any other limb, down to my fingers. I can’t even wear my wedding rings anymore, and let’s not get started on my pants…ugh.

It’s ok though. I’ve pre-paid for my personal trainer and I plan on snapping back to my goal weight as soon as possible. When I do that the last thing I need is to have to invest in bigger shoes. I have already invested so much into my shoe collection it would be a total devastation to have to start all over. So please pray for me. The one thing I’ve asked God for, other than a healthy baby and natural delivery is to keep my perfect size sevens. Now, that’s not too much to ask for…is it?

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Happy New Year!!!

 

Family, family, family! That’s what New Year’s was for me. I pretty much spent the entire month of December with my family, and that’s exactly what I wanted. Being pregnant has made me appreciate my family even more. They are such a great support system and I feel so safe and loved when I’m around them.  There is nowhere else I’d rather be but in their company.

As I reflect on 2016, I am so grateful for my experiences and accomplishments. I am a person who has high expectations for myself and I take it hard when I don’t meet my personal goals, but I can truly say 2016 was a good year for my career and personal life.

Last year the only goal that I set was to publish my first novel. As happy I am to say that I did that, this year I believe my goals may be a little more ambitious, especially with a baby on the way.  So, I’ve decided to share them so that I will be accountable for reaching them.

Here they are:

  1. Restructure, Rebrand, Revamp, By Renee Visions Publishing House & the Shireal Renee brand
  1. Publish the second book to the “Me & My Man’s Wife” trilogy, “Dodging Deliverance”
  1. Enroll in school for my Masters Degree
  1. Buy a big girl car i.e. my dream car
  1. Rewrite, Produce, & Star in “Wide Open”, stage play
  1. Take the books and the play on a national college tour
  1. Balance all these things while being a great mom and wife!

As I’m listing them out achieving all of this seems pretty ambitious and a little unattainable. But my mother always says, “Nothing beats a failure but a try.” Yes, I know it will be difficult and I will probably hate myself at times for trying to do so much, but I know for sure it’s not impossible.  With the proper plan and a lot of discipline I can do it. I can do anything.

Besides, it’s not just for me this time. It’s for my son too. I want to be a good example for him. I want him to see that his mom never let anything stand in her way and that he will be able to have anything he wants in this world with hard work and dedication. There are no limits to what he can achieve as long as he keeps God first, stays focused, and doesn’t take no for an answer. I will prove this to him by my actions.

Happy New Year everyone! Make your list out and work through yours with me. Lets make 2017 better than any other year – Remember, nothing beats a failure but a try!

Tough Skin

I consider myself a pretty tough chick.  Don’t get me wrong I cry at movies and for frilly girly stuff but my feelings don’t necessarily get hurt easily. I am usually the one giving advice to my friends and family to toughen up. I get angry before I get sad or hurt.

But here’s the thing, lately I have been having complete emotional breakdowns over the weirdest things.  Just this morning I was bawling over a pot.  Let me explain. When I got pregnant we decided we needed a bigger place, so we moved a month ago today.  In my excitement I decided I wanted to get rid of all my old stuff and get new stuff – for the baby of course!  So I gave away all my furniture, pots, pans, etc. I have been in total redecorating mode.

One of the things I’ve been really excited about was getting new pots.  I’m talking professional, expensive you don’t have to use a scrubber pots.  So that’s what I did.  I brought a top of the line Calphalon, stainless steel pot set. And let me tell you these pots are worth every penny I spent on them. I am so proud of my pots. They cook great, they clean easy and they are so shiny and pretty. They make you want to cook.

Well, this morning my husband burned one of my pots.  And I mean burned, had the fire detector going off and everything.  My heart dropped.  The poor pot has a huge black burn in it stretching vertically from top to bottom.  I wanted to take the pot and hit him over the head with it.  I was so angry. I just went in my room and slammed the door. When he came and apologized I shrugged it off, but when he left for work this morning I went in the kitchen and started scrubbing the pot with every once of strength I had. But the burn wouldn’t come out. That’s when I broke. I had a total meltdown.  I cried so hard my dog started crying with me. It was a total mess.

These are great pots and I haven’t even had them a month and now one is ruined. Did I mention it’s a set, I guess I can go buy a replacement of that one pot, but it’s still annoying. I am totally prepared to blame the meltdown on me being pregnant. However, pregnant or not I would’ve been upset, but the tears and sobbing – totally the babies fault. I mean come on I have tough skin!

Baby Steps

My life is in transition.

Everything I thought I knew about my body and myself have changed. I feel like I’m learning to walk again.

If you would’ve asked me two years ago where I’d be right now, I promise you the answer would not have been pregnant! But God’s plan is always better than mine. Honestly, I think I’ve always wanted a baby deep down, but I was just so wrapped up in my life and career goals that I didn’t know where I would fit it in. And for me, being married was a very important step that I had to take before even thinking about children.  Believe me, I mean that in the most selfish way. I need help! Raising a child has always been so frightening. The thought of me being responsible for another person’s life terrified me. It was just way too much for my brain to process. So if God did decide to lie that on me I believed I would need help, someone to split the blame with.

And love…the love scared me too. Anyone who knows my story knows that I have had my heart broken to pieces. Therefore, there is the wall that I have built to shield myself from that level of heartache again. But when it comes to my baby, that wall has been demolished. I never knew I could love like this. I never knew I could worry, and pray and beg God so much for one person. I am terrified and so deeply in love at the same time. It is unbelievable.

I’m only five months pregnant, my baby is only a little over a pound and I’ve never physically met him yet, but I swear every time I feel him make a movement inside me I feel like he is communicating with me, saying, “Hi Mommy, I’m ok in here.” It makes me so happy.  I pray for his life and his health everyday. I pray that I am a good mother, that he knows how much I love him already and that my husband knows as well. There are so many new feelings and emotions I’m dealing with right now. I feel like a totally different person.

I’m learning to be me again, but a different version of me, a better version.  I am taking this journey day by day.  When I think too far ahead it overwhelms me.  I’m learning to walk again, taking baby steps. Oh God, what a journey.